Involving Fathers in Homeschooling: 2007

Whether a father is the overseeing principal of his family’s homeschool, the financial provider, the P.E. instructor or administrative assistant (or perhaps all of the above), a father often do not get to regularly see the daily life of your homeschool. Glimpses are shown in the library books and worksheets piled around the kitchen counter and the themes in your DVD selection. However, sometimes fathers miss out on the details of what your children are learning.

Try these ideas to help Dad feel more involved. (And if your husband is has reluctantly agreed to homeschool, these ideas can help him better understand what happens while he’s at work.)

Friday Folders: Children can show their work to their dads once a week, which might be preferable and less overwhelming than every evening. Have children choose a special folder and decorate it with Friday Folder written on it. During the week, every time the child has a particularly well-written or well-drawn paper, s/he can tuck the sample into the folder. The folder highlights their work, so Dad can look through it and get a good feel for the week. Be sure to think creatively, too. It’s not just a folder for worksheets --- children can put: photographs, narration pages, book reports, drawings and even collected leaves or seashells in it. (Think portfolio.)

Photographs: If Dad is a visual learner, he might prefer to see what is being done rather than read about it. Consider a digital camera your homeschooling friend. You can take pictures of everything from the steps in a science experiment (or a culinary one); snap photos of field trips and park days; or just capture those highs and lows of the homeschooling journey. Make sure to capture the good, the bad and the ugly of your week. Be an objective photographer.

Blogs: (If you have one, you can skip this tip.) If you don’t, consider making one. If privacy is a concern (and it should be), consider making a special one for his eyes only. You can create blogs for a select audience and even have by-permission-only blogs. Consider your husband your audience, so keep the posts short and sweet. Write just the highlights and lowlights of the week. (If you want to write one for your extended family but are considered about privacy issues, you can choose nicknames for your children, use their middle names, and avoid using specific details, such as your city or full name. You can also do permission-only blogs.)

Bulletin Boards: If you’ve got the room, a nice long bit of corkboard can be a good display for what your homeschoolers are learning. The children can take turns decorating it. You can get materials from online searches or free educational resources websites.

Field Trips: Going to the aquarium to complete a unit study on sea creatures? Heading out to the newspaper office to see how a newspaper is put together? Ask Dad to come along with you. Perhaps he’s been waiting to be invited or has not considered being part of the schooling experience. If he can’t take the day off (and in today’s economy, not many can), then consider doing your school outing during the weekend. Yes, there will be more people at the location, but the benefits of having Dad there will outweigh the crowd issues.

Family Park Day: Most homeschooling support groups have at least one family park day a year. Make an extra effort to attend it. Dad might feel a little awkward, but so will all the other dads there. It can be a bonding experience.

Sneak Attacks: To borrow the idea of strewing (leaving materials out for curious hands to pick up and read), you might consider leaving out articles about homeschooling or bookmarking pages in a book then placing them where your husband might pick them up and read it. For example, you can leave out an article about homeschooling on the kitchen table, so Dad can read it while he has his morning coffee. You can even put books in the bathroom for Dad to read. (Shhh, I won’t tell.)

Unappreciated in the movies and on television, fathers don’t have to be neglected in their homeschooling families. Many homeschooling families would not be able to choose this educational method if not for the financial support of the fathers. Be sure to let your husband know what a blessing he is…and is giving…the family through his support of homeschooling.

Starting Your Own Homeschooling Group

"Your children need the peer support that a support group provides, and you, in turn, will discover that your burdens are lighter when you find other moms who will listen to you, cry with you, laugh with you and pray for you."
(Catholic Education Homeward Bound)

If you are not finding your homeschooling needs met in your present homeschool group or no groups exist, consider starting your own.

Before you start, examine your reasons for starting a homeschool group. Perhaps you are part of a homeschool group already and feel dissatisfied. Have you spoken to the coordinator of the group? You might be able to make adjustments to the existing group. Are you wanting more control over the group’s decisions? You might find ways to help the existing group. Make sure you are not reinventing the wheel when starting a group. (For example, my friend A.C. and I started our group because one for younger Catholic homeschoolers did not exist in our city.)

Write a mission statement for your group. Imagine you had to write an ad for your homeschool group. Write down the purpose of your group in one or two sentences. You need to be able to convey this thought so you’ll have a focus for your group. Also, you will later receive phone calls and emails from mothers who want to know about your group. If you have a mission statement, you’ll be able to say it easily and clearly. Almost every week, I answer this question with my now-memorized statement: “Our Catholic homeschooling group is primarily a park day group where mothers meet for fellowship, kids play, and we celebrate liturgical days once a month with a craft and activity. We all homeschool in different ways but are united by our Catholic faith.”

If you are able to express this thought clearly, it makes it easier for people to know whether they want to be part of your group. And it’ll help you keep focused even as the group grows.

Write down the details of your ideal homeschool group. If you could have the perfect homeschool group, what would it encompass? Think as big as you want. You may not be able to have all these items in the first year or the second, but later, you’ll be able to remember why you started and what your original vision for the group was. (For example, my friend and I wrote: Catholic homeschool group, meets every Friday, lots of boys and girls, acceptance of different homeschooling methods and programs, monthly field trips, a Little Flowers group, a Blue Knights group, holiday parties, friendly conversation, no gossip, no school-bashing, encouraging conversations, bouncing ideas off each other.)

Have a brainstorming coffee chat with a fellow homeschooling friend or your spouse.Pick the most important items under your control and write them down separately on another page. Yes, I’m serious. You’ll have a folder (or notebook) with your mission statement, an ad, and reference for the future (that wish list). Plus, you can use this for your group’s blog, Yahoo message board or flyers.

For example, when we started, we could not offer field trips or the Blue Knights group or a moms’ night out. However, we wrote down what we could do: The Group meets regularly on Fridays at 1:30 p.m. for park days and liturgical crafts once a month. It was a small blurb, but when mothers called, we’d tell them that we were a new group and that, as the group grew, so would our opportunities for more activities.

Pray for your group and its members.

Decide how to organize your group. This is the most important decision. You need to decide if your group will be run by one leader; a leader and coordinators for groups (such as for prayer requests, field trips, etc.); all members putting matters up to the vote; etc. It is vitally important to decide early how to handle this. As more people come into your group, they will have ideas. You need to know upfront if you will put them in charge of their own ideas; handle all their ideas; etc.

Some groups are run mostly by one person. Others are run by all members. You’ll need to be upfront about who makes certain decisions and/if tasks will be delegated. Be honest about what you can do without negatively affecting your family and vocation.

Plan methods of communication. Some groups rely on printed newsletters; others, solely through email. Because I love the Internet and my friend likes the telephone, we decided that I would start up and run the Yahoo message board and info blog, and that she would handle telephone calls.

As your group grows, ask members what they prefer. We found that a few members hate the Internet, so we print off the calendar from our Yahoo group for them. And some members love being online, so we always keep that Yahoo calendar updated.

Choose regular venues. Some groups meet at the same park at the same time every week. Others alternate parks every month. Decide what works best for your group. You may choose to meet at different parks on opposite ends of the city to make it easier for your members. Just be sure to use your preferred method of communication to let members know where you are meeting!

Advertise. All that previous writing of your group’s focus and what you do now comes in handy. Use it to write a flyer or ad. You can post messages on Yahoo groups, your local library, church bulletin board, community newsletter, etc. Just be sure to advertise to the right demographics. For example, our group is a Catholic homeschooling group, so we advertised in our church bulletins and Catholic bookstores in town.

Start your group. Even if it is just you and your kids on a blanket at the park. Start going there at the regular time that you planned for the group. Doing so will help you see whether the time and place will work for you. And it will help you form the habit. Our homeschool group was my friend, her son, my three children and me. Even when no one showed for weeks, she and I had good conversations, and our children played.

Pray for your group and its members.

Answer each phone call or email within two days. You know it’s hard to call or email a complete stranger for information about a park day. And it’s even harder to show up. So, be kind and friendly in a prompt email or call.Be patient. Let the Lord be your social coordinator and send the people He wants for your group. Maybe His idea is for an intimate group of good friends. Maybe He wishes for your group to be huge and active.

Don’t stress. If this is too stressful, then don't do it. The main focus should be on your homeschooling journey with your children. A support group is to support, not to weigh down.

Be grateful for each member. You will receive people of all sorts of dispositions and personalities. Even if you all are of the same faith, you will find great variety in homeschoolers. Be grateful for whoever shows up and pray for them.

Focus on the bigger picture. As your group grows, remember that the group is the Lord’s and the members are His children. If it flourishes, it is because He allows it to do so. Give credit to the Lord.

And always include your group and its members in your prayers.

Books About Homeschooling: 2007

You can tell the life of a tree by its rings. You can tell the life of a beluga whale by its color. And you can tell this homeschooling mom's philosophical life by her reads.

In organizing our bookshelves, I could see, through my reading, the progression of these nearly four years of homeschooling from a school-at-home person to a more relaxed, eclectic unit-studies parent.

Here are my favorite picks in my own homeschooling journey.

Everyone always remembers their first love. "The Unofficial Guide to Homeschooling" was my first introduction into homeschooling. This book broke down the nuts and bolts of homeschooling; explained different styles; and made the journey seem less daunting and scary. It held my hand through those first knee-knocking months.
You need to know a little about something to know what questions to ask. Once I read more about homeschooling, I had to figure out more. At the advice of the helpful, encouraging gals at a favorite homeschooling board, I jumped in and started homeschooling with just good books and printable sheets from the Internet. Yet, I had questions, which "The Homeschooling Book of Answers" answered. The above book was read at the same time as the Q&A one. It helped me keep homeschooling in perspective. As a mother of a five-year-old, I was so obsessed with what I'd do and teach when my daughter was a junior in high school. This book helped me realize that I was just embarking on the first tiny step of the journey. And it was kindergarten. Not calculus.

"The Well-Trained Mind" has made a huge impact on my life. When I first read it, I wanted to take a look at the whole homeschooling experience, and this book set the road map for me of what subjects I wanted to cover for my children. The amount of details (from list of subjects in science to names of people in history to the titles of books for high school) is extraordinary. Well-written and organized, the book is a favorite here, mostly for its amazing lists.

The only problem that I have with the book (indeed, a huge drawback for me) is that it is very rigid in its sense of scheduling. The book seems to be very school-at-home with its schedules. This may work for many people, but not us. We are more creative and loose than this grueling schedule allows. The book, however, is a tremendous resource for what to study and focus on the chronology of history and science, I would recommend it.

This eccentric out-of-the-box thinker saved my sanity. "How Children Learn" broke the rigid boxes in my mind regarding education. I had been so much about workbooks, a set schedule, definite time tables for learning a subject, etc. Then, thanks to some good friends out there who love this man, I read him. Though we are not unschoolers or as radical as John Holt, the book helped me view the world as a classroom, children as seekers of education rather than "buckets to be filled" and taught me how to relax.

"A Mother's Rule of Life" is not a book about homeschooling, but it is about running the household. This book came into my life (a friend had an extra copy) about the time that I was thinking, "Well, it's all fine and good to be more relaxed with schooling, but who is going to run this house? How can I homeschool and do housework and find time for me?"

It provided a framework for running my life. She offered me a good way to view my life and to set a loose schedule for our living, but not something so constrained that I would fall back into the trap of over-organization.

The above book was lent to me by another homeschooling mom who overheard my comment about unit studies sounding like a great idea for us but that it also seemed like a lot of work. This book, despite its troubled spots (typos and rambling sentences), really helped me figure out how to put into practice all the homeschooling ideas that I had in my head. All those lists of classical education and the freedom and joy in Holt's philosophy were in constant battle. Each school of thought, in its purest form, was against the other.

However, in reading about unit studies, I realized that we could create our own style of homeschooling. Part of homeschooling's joy is its flexibility.

Finally, my lists and more relaxed beliefs about homeschooling and childrenmade peace with one another ... and indeed have thrived through unit studies.

This book added to my list of things to teach and learn, which had been mostly from "The Well-Trained Mind." "Designing Your Own Classical Curriculum" helped me round out the learning with my Catholic faith.

"Real Learning: Education in the Heart of the Home" is my favorite homeschooling book. Ever. It is the most beautiful, gentle guide to homeschooling from a Catholic perspective. This book, with its sweet, real-life examples of both the joy and difficulties of homeschooling, has been my companion guide for our educational journey.

The online 4Real Learning: Education in the Context of Real Life is the ultimate message board on how to put into practice the desire to teach the Catholic faith, live the liturgy and somehow balance the roles of wife and mother.

Traits of a Homeschooling Parent: 2007

This post is in response to an email I received:

In the homeschooling spheres that we inhabit, the variety of mothers is only matched by the variations of homeschooled children: school-at-home moms, classical education moms, unit study moms, unschooling moms, Charlotte Mason moms, etc. And there are moms who work full time and homeschool; some that work part-time and some full-time SAHMs like me. I know relaxed mothers, high-strung mothers, ones with college degrees, some with high school degrees, etc.

We do, however, share traits, inner leanings and quirks that have brought us all to the world of homeschooling.

I've observed that successful homeschoolers (meaning they've homeschooled for quite a long time and have managed to keep their joy) have the following in common:

Successful homeschoolers:

are familiar with different ways of homeschooling.
They know that not everyone learns the same way and that, sometimes, what works for one homeschooling family doesn't work for another homeschooling family.

are flexible.
Sometimes moms are too sick to teach; the kids are too sick to learn; the kids just want to do math all day; a park day goes into overtime; moms get free tickets to a museum, etc. And these successful homeschoolers aren't afraid to ditch books that don't work or change curriculum halfway through the year. It's okay to be flexible with time and resources.

love to learn.
All the dedicated homeschool moms that I know share this trait: the love of learning. If their child is learning about Ancient Rome, the mom is learning with the child, not just saying, "Read this!" and doing something else.

Think of all the good teachers you had growing up. What did they have in common? They loved what they taught.

have some sort of schedule.
It might be schedule down to the minute or just a loose one, but these moms find time for doing chores, going to the library, going to park days and just doing nothing.

have support.
These moms are members of homeschoolnig support groups or use online message boards (or both). They know where to receive guidance, support, find shoulders to cry on, friends to thump them happily on the back for a task well done.

have supportive husbands.
Whether they're just the financial backers or teaching the kids a subject, a husband who supports the homeschooling dream is a treasure.

are compassionate.
These moms know that they are not perfect and their children aren't either. But instead of hating everyone for his/her imperfections, these moms teach their kids lovingly and prayerfully.

make learning a priority.

are dedicated.
Successful homeschoolers are ones that keep focused on why they are homeschooling and know when to take breaks, make adjustments, have a vacation, go on field trips, etc., but who do not give up easily on homeschooling itself.

make time for themselves.
They take time for themselves. Whether they switch babysitting with a friend, ask DH to care for the kids while they disappear for a few hours, or plug in a DVD for the kiddies and go take a bath, these moms know the importance of revitalizing themselves

relax.
They don't take themselves so seriously and do not fall apart during the little minor inconveniences or nuisances of life.

are realistic.
Kids are funny, odd and a bit gross. These moms do not expect them to act like charm school graduates.

keep it in perspective.
These moms know that there's no way that there child is going to be 18 and not know how to differentiate a nickel from a dime. They take their time in teaching and don't freak out. As my husband often reminds me, "Homeschooling is a marathon, not a sprint."

pray.

What I Would Have Said: 2007

Note: This post is about the challenges of homeschooling for us. We obviously think that homeschooling's benefits greatly outweigh the challenges or else we wouldn't be doing it. For posts about the joy of homeschooling, check out all my other posts.


A homeschooling acquaintance recently returned her kids to the fold of public school. We never got to talk about what made her give up after just a few months of homeschooling. But I've been thinking about what I would have said. I think it's: Homeschooling can be hard sometimes.

I wish she would've talked to some of us first and perhaps we could have helped her through the rough patch. My homeschooling journey is one that I've not done alone. I've relied completely on the grace and strength of our Lord Jesus Christ, and He sent me some good people to give solid advice and support, both online and in our local homeschooling group. Everyone needs friends.

And everyone has Bad Days. We've had Bad Weeks. Don't believe you're getting the complete story when you read those amazing blogs or see those incredible specials about people having 29 overachieving children who are all natural geniuses and never argue or raise their voices and never sin. Even the most Christ-centered, calm and loving family has bad days. It's part of the human condition.

Homeschooling is a long journey, and like all journeys, the path curves and dips and delights and scares you right along with it. You'll think you're doing well, then hit a rough patch or get caught in a bog of boredom or a ditch of despair. Something in the distance will frighten you. Or you lose sight of where you want to be and wander off the path for much longer than intended.

It's happens. Don't mistaken the ditch for the end of the road.

When the rest stop on our homeschooling journey begins to resemble the end, I write them down my challenges or concerns. Sometimes, I'll call a friend, too. The important fact is that the challenge is addressed. And that helps me to stop, look at the path before us and see what needs to be done or changed or just accepted.

Here's a glimpse at our challenges with homeschooling:

1. homeschooling little people who are rapidly growing, evolving in tastes and style and understanding. Sometimes, I foolishly assume that I've got this homeschooling thing down, only to have to make adjustments so that everyone is challenged but not overwhelmed and yet still happy and confident

2. homeschooling children of varying ages with completely different learning styles and personalities that are direct opposites of one another

3. preventing myself from going insane when I've taught the same fact a hundred times to a child who repeatedly learns then forgets it

4. keeping the voracious readers fed, especially after hauling the three kids to the library, choosing 50 books then having the girl tell me, four days later, that it's time for another trip, she's read them all and she needs new books to read

5. feeling confident that I am doing the best for my children and knowing that I am doing a good job, even if my second grader starts crying at the table because she suddenly cannot remember what 5-2 is

6. trying to homeschool when the daredevil of a toddler is running around and creating mischief or clinging to my leg and crying until he is held and needs to be held or will cry incessantly for a very, very long time

7. handling days when I am exhausted and feeling just a wee bit sorry for myself because I have to do absolutely everything for everyone every day

8. having a child who is extremely bright but who does not fit into the traditional mold for a student and continually challenges me to think outside of the box for educational opportunities and resources


When we have a rough patch of schooling, it is usually one of those above issues.

Through online friends, two homeschool message boards, and our local homeschooling group, I feel strengthened on the journey and remain determined and enthusiastic about homeschooling. We are like the fellowship of the ring --- the fellowship of homeschooling. We're all different, we have separate journeys but we remain true to our ultimate goal.

Our goal has remained the same: to raise good Catholic people who love to learn and serve the Lord.

Almost daily, I remind myself about all the benefits of homeschooling. My children love each other and are one another's best friends. The girl is reading about three to four books a day; learning about ancient histories; advancing in her quest for knowledge. The boyl has leapfrogged through so much of the regular kindergarten milestones and is reading a lot, learning so much and showing a very generous and thoughtful spirit. The high level of energy and focus that would make a regular school hard for her can be used positively at home. And my son's difficulties with expressing himself verbally, which would be trouble in a "real" school, can be dealt with privately while still letting his other traits shine.

Homeschooling is immensely rewarding, incredibly enriching, a dynamic experience for our family. And, praise God, our home is a place of peace, love and education.

Homeschooling really can be hard sometimes. But it really is worth it. You just have to give it time. It's a journey.